He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
