True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
