Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
