he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
