actually, I'm a sock model
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
