Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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