My nipple is on Facebook.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
