How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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