Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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