Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
