Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize