he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
