The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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