Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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