fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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