Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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