Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize