Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
