If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
