Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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