This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
