So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
