eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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