is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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