Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
