Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
