ugly people sure do ruin things
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
