Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will be naked everywhere
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
