So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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