this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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