Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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