he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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