I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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