the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
