It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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