Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In America we eat man semen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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