there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
