WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
