Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
