foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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