I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
