we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
