I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
