Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
