Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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