Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
