She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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