Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
