i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
