she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize