Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
