haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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