Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
