This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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