I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
