shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
