idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
