I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
