would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
