Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
