Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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