By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
