another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
