You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
