dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
