Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
