just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
