I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
