hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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