maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
