I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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