My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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