Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
