Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
