You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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