forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
