I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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