Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
