i jhust puked up my retainher.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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