When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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