took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk is not a location!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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