Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
