whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
