sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
