Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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