This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
