her vagine was all disorganized.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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