I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have aggressive nipples.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
