If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I just put wine in my tea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
